so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
