he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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