you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
