The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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