Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
