Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
