I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
