TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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