also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
