Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
