sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
