Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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