You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
