That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
