So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
