8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops