And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??