it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?