ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit