some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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