If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize