can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
