I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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