Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
