he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Houston, we have a blender
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
