4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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