Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
