Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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