he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
