I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
