i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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