so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
