I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
