It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
