birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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