We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
