:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
They have beer where we have blood.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
