he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
