Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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