Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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