I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
