Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
