hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
