ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
