She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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