Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
