I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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