When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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