i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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