Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Randomize
