i wish my penis had a tongue
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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