I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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