you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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