Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
