just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
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lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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