I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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