How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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