she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize