I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
