He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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