yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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