how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
