nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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