Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
