whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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