We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
