I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
