So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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