I just pynch a tree in the face
i used baking grease as lip gloss
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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