sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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