I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
