Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize