five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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