farters have to be the big spoon...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
