your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
