I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize