I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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