a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
