im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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