I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
