he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
