why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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