and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
