I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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