I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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