While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
