3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We need to get me chipped asap
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
