Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
