we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
