if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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