It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
